At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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