The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
