btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
