Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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