I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
