i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
