Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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