kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
