My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize