I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
