May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
