if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
