She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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