in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
