We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
