You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
