yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
