i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
