I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
