When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
