when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
