At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
