i just google imaged poop.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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