biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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