There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
