My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
