I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
