a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
