There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
That was an excessively violent trivia night
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
