Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
