btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
