Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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