how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
