Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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