So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
