he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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