Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
