i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
