I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he fucked my hip out of place.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
