I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
