You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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