I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
