ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
