yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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