I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
