is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
