i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
