I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
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But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
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I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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