I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
