I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
