I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
