I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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