I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
