You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
