It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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