he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
