and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
