You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
