Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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