I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You need Xanax blowdarts
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
