i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize