i love accidental penises.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
